Spinning with my shadow

So pretty much the band Lifehouse is my new obsession. Because you know i have nothing to do besides crew and homework, so youtube is an answer and i listened to like all of their songs, and every single one of them means something to me. I'm just going to list some of them that are absolutely amazing<3

Take Me Away
Broken
Blind
Spin
Hanging By a Moment (<3)
Whatever It Takes

...there are several moreeee, but i have nothing else to talk about so i'll end with:

I'd rather chase your shadow all my life
Than be afraid of my own
I'd rather be with you
I'd rather not know, where I'll be
Than be alone and convinced that i know

When the world keeps spinning round
My world's upside down
And i wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when i found you
And i wouldn't change a thing
No, you and i wouldn't change a thing

Some of the song "Spin" cause the rest is kinda not related to me but i still love this song and i guess i'm done now..

I don't even know, and i wrote it. Someone tell me?

Sooo, I really don't have anything to write about...really. It's like almost 11 so i can't really think, but i guarantee that nothing interesting has happened that's worth writing about. But i typed in "abstract" in google andi found this picture. I only like it because it doesnt mean anything unless you make it. Kind of like life...things happen and you choose if they matter or not, it's your life, they either impact you or they don't. Obviously this picture isn't going to impact anyone because, well it's a picture. But if you say the white is Him and the rest is your heart, then you could make it mean something. I know, that does sound ridiculous. This brings me to another point, kind of not regarding the picture. I'm starting to go to youth group because i want to understand everything..i mean two of my really good friends are involved with God and everything. Last time i just sat there and didn't participate and people may have thought i didn't care, but it takes knowledge to ask a question, and right now i'm just there to listen and perhaps learn something. That's my goal. But i hope you know it's not easy for me to do this because i wasn't brought up going to church...i mean i went every sunday but it didn't mean anything to me and now i wish it had, but i can try and make up for it. While i'm writing this, i can't understand if i'm going to youth group because i want to, or because i know i should. I think it's more of me knowing i should, but maybe it can turn into me actually wanting to go, that would be another goal i guess. And nowwww i'min trouble for being on the computer this late and i doubt anyone will care about this but i needed something to write about. For now, now that i read this over, it seems like a bunch of nonsense and when i see people getting into the hymns (i think thats what the music in the church is called?) i'm like wow, ok, freak, but it's nothing against them, i just can't get myself to be that way. Cause like i said...i wasn't brought up like that. Goal #3. Ok now i'm really done.

<3meghan

All at once.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
(I wish someone would want me I wish someone would need me)
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
(I wish that that someone will take me for who i am and not compare me to something that's nothing)

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
(Can i soon be someone's "right one" that they've been trying to find? Atleast for a little while..)
Where no questions cross your mind
(And not a doubt in that one's mind that i am theirs. Alteast for a little while..)
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
(But i wont dread all the days passing by without them)
Much longer for you to sort it out
(Those are the days that i use to take in and sort out my pwn thoughts before i become part of someone else's life. Atleast for a little while).

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
(Is someone going to want me is someone going to need me)
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
(Could i have been someone's and not known it, and now it's gone? I don't think so. Not yet atleast).
(But i don't want that to happen once i find that "right one" which i don't expect quite yet. But i do expect someone that could potentially be that right one. Atleast for a little while).


And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

^I know this blog isn't right. For me to be writing about this stuff...atleast in this way. But it's hard not to.

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time


I LOVE this song, and in my next blog i'll write why. Maybe i'll write tomorrow. <3meghan<3

too many words, or not enough?

I've tried to balance these lives that we are living
You always feel justified but you never feel forgiving
I woke up one morning to find myself wrapped in the things I swore I'd never touch.
And here I am again trying to save what's left of you and I
So why aren't you satisfied?

I reached out, fell short
Now you're hurt, too many words
Breaking the silence
I felt it, bled it, screamed it,
It only gets worse
And it kills me what's in me too angry for us to survive
I used too many words tonight

I tried to get it right
But I was just wastin' my time
'cause you never compromised when it came to us
We struggle and fall apart we build it back to static start
The endless accusations I can't believe we made it this far.

I reached out, fell short
Now you're hurt, too many words
Breaking the silence,
I felt it, bled it, screamed it,
It only gets worse
And it kills me what's in me too angry for us to survive
I used too many words tonight

Waking alone tomorrow, has gotta be better than this




~So i just really love this song. Too Many Words by Sick Puppies. I know, weird name but they're mad good. And i guess none of it relates to me...only some lines which i bolded and then one of them is my favorite line which i made into italics and bold. but they have nothing to do with any sort of relationship...fyi. obviously that would be impossible to talk about. Oh, and "us" meaning all of us...anyone...just...us.
k byeeeee<3.

trust yourself to trust another.

Tehe, i know, miley cyrus. But her voice is so good in this song (v) and i like the lyrics. And why do i like the lyrics? Ok because it seems like it would be something that happens too often. Trusting someone not to break your heart, or even trusting someone to keep a secret. And then before you know it...it all falls apart and that person isn't even close what they were before. Sometimes it's tempting to tell someone something, even when you know you shouldn't, but you do anyway because you feel close to that person..sometimes for an unknown reason. And as far as the love thing..that's why i agree with one of the things love is, even thought it's hard to define: "Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not too." If you think about it, it really is...not scary...but hard to think about because we almost know that not everyone that comes into our lives is going to be trustworthy, so i think that people should trust themselves that they trust the right people (if that makes sense). If it becomes a mistake, no, we can't always fix it, but regrets shouldn't take place and we have to eventually move on. And we can't always blame ourselves for something like this happening..(i got that out of the last verse because i didn't think it had anything to do with trust, and i know that some people will sit around all mad at themselves because they don't know who to blame but their self, and that last verse just kind of reminded me to get that out there..).

<3megs

These Four Walls by Miley Cyrus :]

These four walls
They whisper to me
They know a secret
I knew they would not keep
Didn't take long for the room to fill with trust
And these four walls come down around us

It must have been something that send me out of my head
With the words so radical
And not what i meant
Now i wait for a break in the silence, 'cause it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again

It's hard now to let you be
I won't make excuses
I've made my peace
Didn't take long for me to lose the trust
'Cause these four walls weren't strong enough

It must have been something that send me out of my head
With the words so radical
And not what i meant
Now i wait for a break in the silence 'cause it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again

Yeah, it's difficult
Watching us fade
Knowing it's all my fault
My mistake
Yeah, it's difficult
Letting you down
Knowing it's all my fault
You're not around

Leave the memories..alone?

So i pretty much love writing down lyrics for you guys, to my favorite songs<3




So here I am with my thoughts of you
And this world I've left for me
Stoic faces when I think of you
And how I once believed
So now you call me, but you know I won't let you through
I've myself to decieve

So leave the memories alone
I don't want to see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing
And I'll hold you here in my memory

So I find me in your garden now
A sad smile for the scene
And all the flowers that we planted now
Taken by the weeds
But in my minds eye, you know they still bloom for me
They stand tall there, in that summer breeze

Leave the memories alone
I don't want to see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing
And I'll just hold you here in my memory

You'll never change
You'll never change
You will never change



This doesn't apply to me a lot..well kind of. Maybe some of you can figure it out.
Megs<3

You breathed infinity into my world.

I haven't updated in awhile...because I haven't really felt like writing. Because there's nothing to write about. That is, until we get back to drama central on the exact day of september 4th, 2008. But I wanted to post some lyrics to an amazing song<3

They Weren't There by Missy Higgins:

~~You breathed infinity into my world

And time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl.

We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night.

Then you said, "wait for me we'll fly the wind,

We'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him" but oh,

Now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,

But I was alive and now I've drowned.

So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song

So they can tell me I was wrong...

~~But they weren't there beneath your stare,

And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare of

Any bindings from the world outside that room.

And they weren't taken by the hand

And led through fields of naked land

Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...

So I couldn't say "no".

~~You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew.

You were there blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say,

I wouldn't say "no". But they all said, "you're too young to even know,

Just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him"

But oh, now, my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,

But I was alive and now I've drowned.

So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song

So they can tell me I was wrong...

~~There's just something about this song. I don't know...and the blog wasn't cooperating so i put little "~'s" where the new verses start.

--Megs<3--

still in co.

Soo people. Yeahh i'm still in colorado. Not that you would miss me or anything, :P
I got a hold of my great grandpas computer, tehe. I wrote a post the other day about my trip, but i deleted it because i decided you would hear about it anyway. I'll bet anything that he comes home later and gets mad because "something has gone wrong with the computer" and i was the last one on it. Shocking, I know. I seem to think that it's all in his head...but anyway. Everyone (meaning all of the family that doesn't already live here) is gone, and i'm still here for another week. I'll be home next thursday at like 6pm or something like that. Another stupid plane ride. Oh well. I've been really bored since everyone has left so i've been working on the polyvore thing a lot because i really have nothing else to do. So i'll pretty much be doing a ton of those, or atleast thinking about ideas for it. Oh, and while i'm here...my ipod is like my best friend because it keeps me occupied :]. I thought i would share something amusing with you...it's better when i actually tell you, but again, i have nothing else to do. So. The other day one of my cousins, Sophia, she's 8, was sitting on the couch and she had her cousin Sienna on her lap. She was like bouncing her legs with Sienna sitting on them, facing her, and she was singing "this is the way the horsey rides, the horsey rides, the horsey rides etc..." Not so bad right? Well then she starts singing "this is the way the mommy rides, the mommy rides, the mommy rides etc..." YEAH so i'm not really sure if you understand...or if you even read this stupid post, but i found that terribly disturbing. Like really. Maybe i'm the only one that would think bad thoughts about that, which is most likely true, but still. I shared it and now i'm ready to move on...with lyrics. I absolutely love this song, it's called Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade...youu should listen to it:


Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in
because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside
share with me the secrets that you kept in
because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

Tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible.


I don't know why i like this song, but i do. And this just came to mind when i was deleting the last post...i read some of the other ones and i didn't delete them but they were pretty stupid and i was complaining about nothing, i was clearly in a bad mood when i wrote those but sorry about thattt. They don't really matter, so it doesn't matter if you read them or not. And if you did then ignore it i guess. This is a long post kinda, so imma stop now :]

megss<3

adiosss

Alrighty kiddo's i'm in a good mood kind of, so that means no complaining haha. well maybe that's not funny. maybe it is. who knows. wjrhflijkfne ok so i'm leaving for colorado today! but the sad part is that i'm gone for 3 weeks. people better call me while i'm gone. and there's not really a point in me posting this, because i think most of you know that i'm leaving. but uh, anywhooo imma miss you guysss<3 ...!


im drawing a blank and can't remember how to say goodbye in french so ill just say adios<3
...yeaaaaaa i'm cool.

gonna miss this...eventually

So i haven't updated in a while...clearly...so i think i should. My week at camp was not really my idea of a vacation. In other words, i would have much rather stayed home and hung out with pepole. But um..anywho. I'm like annoyed right now because i said something to my aunt and it's like...i cant say something without everyone hearing it eventually. And it got me into an argument. And my grandma keeps telling me that i "blurt things out" when i shouldn't. I think she's wrong...because it's me. I'm the type of person who says what they want, and doesnt give a shit what people think about it. I care too much about what people think of me...but really only how i look. Shouldn't be that way, but it is. My point being, that i think she wants me to change but um..HELLO, no-can-do. Unless of course it was for myself, then i could do it but i'm good for now. I'm sarcastic a little bit too much and some people think it's funny, but most people take it offensively and i really wish it wouldnt be that way but it's just how i am. I kind of hate it. But if you're going to be my friend, i do think you should know that half the time i'm kidding...so yea. It's going to be a good life. Eventually. I know it. Well, not that my life is bad, it's just little things like this that can make all the difference. We got a longgg way to go. But you know what? I'm not rushing it. There's a song called You're Gonna Miss This by trace adkins. And this part of the song is soooo totally true, and it gets me thinking.

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days

Haden't gone by so fast...

Because i know when i'm like 25 and maybe getting married or something, i'm going to "miss" being young like a lot of people. And it scares me?

Yeppp bye kiddos<3

Time to move on?

I'm going up to my camp on friday, so this is the last one before that. I don't really have a lot to say this time though. I just don't even know what to think anymore. I'm still waiting for what i wanted in that last blog. But i don't see that happening any time soon. I obviously have no self confidence what so ever. And i've been told that a lot but i can't really fix what i think about myself. It doesnt matter how many times people tell me i'm pretty...i still dont think so. And i know i am, because everyone says it, but i dont think so. My point being, it takes away from everything else. I try and get a guy....and they tell me i need to think better about myself. I don't think it's stopping them from liking me but they obviously tell me that for a reason. But uhm, haha i just realized that this is all bullshit. cool right? i think so. I just don't even know what to say and there was not point in me writing. I'm moving on kiddoss..starting with lyrics :]

I've lived in this place

And I know all the faces

Each one is different

But they're always the same

They mean me no harm

--I'm moving on by Rascal Flatts

I don't really even know what thats supposed to mean. I mean, i do...but i couldn't explain it. Oh well, night<3

Something's missing..and it's him.

Alright this one's probably not going to be long. Simply because i have one point to make, and one only. I really need a guy friend. Like that sounds stupid but i'm not even kidding. Because for instance...my cousin asked me today what she should do about this guy. She got me and her mom's opinion but neither of us really knew what to do. And its not like she can ask that person...so it's just good to have someone else's opinion. No offense to any of you but...i wouldn't say i'm getting sick of girls...its just that i need a change. I don't hang out with people a lot but when i do its always a girl and i just need some guy that i can go to the movies with or maybe just a night at one's house with a movie and a blanket. And most of them may act like an ass but they are really good to have as friends, and i don't even have one. Seriously if i could have something right now it would be that. I just feel like it's necessary, but then again like i said before, maybe i'm just crazy. Sometimes i do feel like people think that some guy and girl can't be friends without being a couple. And it bothers me cause that's not true....atleast in my opinion. It would just be nice to have someone like that and that's really all i have to say. And for this one i would like comments just to see what you guys think...or dont say anything at all...but if you could.

Tell me a secret, (I want it)
Tell me a story, (I need it)

~three words to leave you with about this whole entry. -In. my. dreams.
kbye<3

I don't know, you tell me.

I am basically sick of being alone now. I think it's actually quite ridiculous how you can't make friends anymore without that persons best friend thinking you're going to "steal them away." People get jealous way to easily and it's making me like that also and i don't really wanna go there. I'm really just complaining now, because none of you really care about what i just said. And if you do then, you could have fooled me.

Go ahead

Take my hand away

S p e l l it out

Tell me I'm wrong

But this is what's going through my mind right now. Maybe if I wasn't me then i would'nt have this problem. Except I am me. And that's not going to change, and i don't think it should have to. So how do i fix this? I can't. I'm wanting to go to a different school so i can make more friends, but that's not going to happen. It may seem like i hate my life right now but there are sooo many people out there that have it worse than this nonsense and i'm completely aware of that which is why i don't mope around all day and cry in random corners in the hallways of my school. (Haha, a few people actually do that). But that would'nt be me...which again, i am. Sooooo I really need someone, like a guy, even just to be friends with, that i can talk to because this whole "having more girl friends than guy friends" is clearly not working out. I think it's good to have their opinion to look after. i miss how people used to come up to me when they had a problem or a secret they didn't want anyone else to know, and ask me to come over when they needed someone to talk to. I never minded and i actually liked helping. Maybe people just don't have problems like that anymore. Or maybe they really do hate me. It's stupid. But anyway, this is an amazing song and i think you should listen to it, it's called "A Twist In my Story" by Secondhand Serenade:

And I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling

I'm feeling inspired

My world just flip turned upside down

It turns around, say what's that sound

It's my heart beat, it's getting much louder

My heart beat, is stronger than ever

I'm feeling so alive, I'm feeling so alive

My whispers turn to shouting

The shouting turns to tears

Your tears turn into laughter

And it takes away our fears

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story

It's time I open up, and let your love right through me

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story

It's time I open up, and let your love right through me

That's what you get

When you see your life in someone else's eyes

That's what you get, that's what you get

-Lyrics not exactly in order and it's not the whole song but those are the best parts

♥Megs

Clash of the Freshman [[plus craig]]

Alright well i just read my last blog over and...it was dumb? Haha, I don't even remember writing half that stuff, so disregard that. Unless you like it...then, good for you. So this one is going to be different because i feel like today was worth writing about for some reason..

So today was..different. I "got out of playing dodgeball with the guys in gym." Well i was supposed to anyways. My music lesson? CANCELLED. I was so pissed, haha. So i had to put my sneakers on an actually participate for once. Hm, fancy that. And i would have felt a lot better if my neighbor didn't charge through me and emily (knocking her over) while trying to help our team out. I mean seriously, he's a beast. Apparently when i wasn't there, he was trying to get to our team's side of the gym in an interesting way so he climbed up the bleachers and got stuck. All the good stuff happens when i'm gone haha. The rest of the day was the usual nonsense. And we watched the rest of some dumb greek mythology movie in english called "The Clash of the Titans." It was the most ridiculous thing i have ever seen. Me and emily stayed after for math and i got like nothing done because Mr. Shepard continues to get pleasure out of calling me "little tiny crack-head." According to him, i have stupid questions. Me?? nahh, haha. I'm in a really good mood, even though i have homework to do. I'm listening to "Nothing Lasts Forever" by Maroon 5. You should listen to it, good song, but it seems kind of sad. But maybe I am too.

If you don't know then you can't care
And i show up but you're not there
But i'm waiting and you want to
Still afraid that i will desert you

Everyday with every word whispered
We get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest, babe
It hurts but it may be the only way


--I don't know, i guess not all of it applies to me but i still love that song.
♥Megs

Toss and Turn

I think that i got my fair share of venting out in the last blog. So i don't have much to write about, and the way i wrote last time isn't going to be everytime because it's not something i can do randomly. There has to be a reason. This doesn't really relate to what i just said, but I believe that everything happens for a reason...i'm not going to say i actually live by that, but it's a strong opinion of mine. And sometimes i find myself looking for those reasons, but sometimes you just don't know and you can't waste you're time looking for something you know you're never going to find. I guess we all "toss and turn" with these ideas, and by that I mean we go from one thought to another, and aren't really sure which one to take into consideration. And maybe we are unaware of these thoughts because we think about it when we don't know we are? Or maybe i'm just insane, or maybe i over-analyze everything, but it's me so i'm ok with it.

Tell me you’ve had trouble sleeping
That you t o s s and turn from side to side
That it’s my face you’ve been seeing
In your dreams at night


blahhh. ♥Megs

Realization

So it's been suggested that i make one of these..and i don't really know how it's going to be. But i could take a guess...it's going to be me either rambling or complaining about my life and then you getting annoyed. We'll see.

You know, i've been pondering over whether or not i want to put myself out there a little bit more. In school i'm obviously loud and annoying but sometimes i ask myself if it's really me, or if i just do it because im capable of it, and because no one really minds. You always get those people who make comments about you but i seem to let it go more than i used to. I'm starting not to care. Is that a good thing? ~The question~
And besides that, you all know that i don't have a boyfriend, and i'm pretty sure you dont want to hear about this but if you don't then stop reading. I keep finding all these songs that i love and then i look up the lyrics and it's kind of ridiculous how it's all about break-ups and how things "used to be" and can't find any about real things that people care about. I know i just said i dont have a boyfriend, and yes, that was implying that i want one. But it's not like it takes over my life, it's not the only thing i want and it's deffinately not all i think about. There is this kid and i don't know much of what i want with him and i admit that i think about him a lot but theres so much more on my mind. I think the problem with people is that they are too wrapped up in someone else..and don't take time to think about the important stuff. What stuff you might ask? Well have you ever felt like you get everything you want except for what's important? I do. I mean i have an ipod, and a cell phone, and a computer, and almost everything i could want, but what i don't think i have is people showing me that they care. Like..someone in my family..buys me everything i want because i think thats the only way he can show me he cares. But i'm starting to realize that it cant be like that anymore. I get told all the time that i'm childish about everything, but the people telling me that are really the "childish" one's because i don't find anything wrong with telling someone how you feel. So what i'm looking for (the important stuff,) is respect and love i guess. And again, i don't mean from a boyfriend that i can wrap myself in and not take care of my schoolwork. I mean love from the people we have known our whole lives that just kind of start to fade into the background. I'm leaving you with the question of how do we let those people realize what's important without trying to change their opinion on life. I don't expect an answer, and maybe this whole blog and that question didn't make sense to you. It does to me, but I'll just stop writing if you let me know its all rambling. Quote time? I think yes. I changed it around a bit but it's all the same words.

Words I couldn't say

In a book, in a box, in the closet

in a line in a song I once heard

in a moment on a front porch late one June

In a breath inside a whisper, beneath the moon

-Rascal Flatts