Time to move on?

I'm going up to my camp on friday, so this is the last one before that. I don't really have a lot to say this time though. I just don't even know what to think anymore. I'm still waiting for what i wanted in that last blog. But i don't see that happening any time soon. I obviously have no self confidence what so ever. And i've been told that a lot but i can't really fix what i think about myself. It doesnt matter how many times people tell me i'm pretty...i still dont think so. And i know i am, because everyone says it, but i dont think so. My point being, it takes away from everything else. I try and get a guy....and they tell me i need to think better about myself. I don't think it's stopping them from liking me but they obviously tell me that for a reason. But uhm, haha i just realized that this is all bullshit. cool right? i think so. I just don't even know what to say and there was not point in me writing. I'm moving on kiddoss..starting with lyrics :]

I've lived in this place

And I know all the faces

Each one is different

But they're always the same

They mean me no harm

--I'm moving on by Rascal Flatts

I don't really even know what thats supposed to mean. I mean, i do...but i couldn't explain it. Oh well, night<3

Something's missing..and it's him.

Alright this one's probably not going to be long. Simply because i have one point to make, and one only. I really need a guy friend. Like that sounds stupid but i'm not even kidding. Because for instance...my cousin asked me today what she should do about this guy. She got me and her mom's opinion but neither of us really knew what to do. And its not like she can ask that person...so it's just good to have someone else's opinion. No offense to any of you but...i wouldn't say i'm getting sick of girls...its just that i need a change. I don't hang out with people a lot but when i do its always a girl and i just need some guy that i can go to the movies with or maybe just a night at one's house with a movie and a blanket. And most of them may act like an ass but they are really good to have as friends, and i don't even have one. Seriously if i could have something right now it would be that. I just feel like it's necessary, but then again like i said before, maybe i'm just crazy. Sometimes i do feel like people think that some guy and girl can't be friends without being a couple. And it bothers me cause that's not true....atleast in my opinion. It would just be nice to have someone like that and that's really all i have to say. And for this one i would like comments just to see what you guys think...or dont say anything at all...but if you could.

Tell me a secret, (I want it)
Tell me a story, (I need it)

~three words to leave you with about this whole entry. -In. my. dreams.
kbye<3

I don't know, you tell me.

I am basically sick of being alone now. I think it's actually quite ridiculous how you can't make friends anymore without that persons best friend thinking you're going to "steal them away." People get jealous way to easily and it's making me like that also and i don't really wanna go there. I'm really just complaining now, because none of you really care about what i just said. And if you do then, you could have fooled me.

Go ahead

Take my hand away

S p e l l it out

Tell me I'm wrong

But this is what's going through my mind right now. Maybe if I wasn't me then i would'nt have this problem. Except I am me. And that's not going to change, and i don't think it should have to. So how do i fix this? I can't. I'm wanting to go to a different school so i can make more friends, but that's not going to happen. It may seem like i hate my life right now but there are sooo many people out there that have it worse than this nonsense and i'm completely aware of that which is why i don't mope around all day and cry in random corners in the hallways of my school. (Haha, a few people actually do that). But that would'nt be me...which again, i am. Sooooo I really need someone, like a guy, even just to be friends with, that i can talk to because this whole "having more girl friends than guy friends" is clearly not working out. I think it's good to have their opinion to look after. i miss how people used to come up to me when they had a problem or a secret they didn't want anyone else to know, and ask me to come over when they needed someone to talk to. I never minded and i actually liked helping. Maybe people just don't have problems like that anymore. Or maybe they really do hate me. It's stupid. But anyway, this is an amazing song and i think you should listen to it, it's called "A Twist In my Story" by Secondhand Serenade:

And I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling

I'm feeling inspired

My world just flip turned upside down

It turns around, say what's that sound

It's my heart beat, it's getting much louder

My heart beat, is stronger than ever

I'm feeling so alive, I'm feeling so alive

My whispers turn to shouting

The shouting turns to tears

Your tears turn into laughter

And it takes away our fears

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story

It's time I open up, and let your love right through me

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story

It's time I open up, and let your love right through me

That's what you get

When you see your life in someone else's eyes

That's what you get, that's what you get

-Lyrics not exactly in order and it's not the whole song but those are the best parts

♥Megs

Clash of the Freshman [[plus craig]]

Alright well i just read my last blog over and...it was dumb? Haha, I don't even remember writing half that stuff, so disregard that. Unless you like it...then, good for you. So this one is going to be different because i feel like today was worth writing about for some reason..

So today was..different. I "got out of playing dodgeball with the guys in gym." Well i was supposed to anyways. My music lesson? CANCELLED. I was so pissed, haha. So i had to put my sneakers on an actually participate for once. Hm, fancy that. And i would have felt a lot better if my neighbor didn't charge through me and emily (knocking her over) while trying to help our team out. I mean seriously, he's a beast. Apparently when i wasn't there, he was trying to get to our team's side of the gym in an interesting way so he climbed up the bleachers and got stuck. All the good stuff happens when i'm gone haha. The rest of the day was the usual nonsense. And we watched the rest of some dumb greek mythology movie in english called "The Clash of the Titans." It was the most ridiculous thing i have ever seen. Me and emily stayed after for math and i got like nothing done because Mr. Shepard continues to get pleasure out of calling me "little tiny crack-head." According to him, i have stupid questions. Me?? nahh, haha. I'm in a really good mood, even though i have homework to do. I'm listening to "Nothing Lasts Forever" by Maroon 5. You should listen to it, good song, but it seems kind of sad. But maybe I am too.

If you don't know then you can't care
And i show up but you're not there
But i'm waiting and you want to
Still afraid that i will desert you

Everyday with every word whispered
We get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest, babe
It hurts but it may be the only way


--I don't know, i guess not all of it applies to me but i still love that song.
♥Megs

Toss and Turn

I think that i got my fair share of venting out in the last blog. So i don't have much to write about, and the way i wrote last time isn't going to be everytime because it's not something i can do randomly. There has to be a reason. This doesn't really relate to what i just said, but I believe that everything happens for a reason...i'm not going to say i actually live by that, but it's a strong opinion of mine. And sometimes i find myself looking for those reasons, but sometimes you just don't know and you can't waste you're time looking for something you know you're never going to find. I guess we all "toss and turn" with these ideas, and by that I mean we go from one thought to another, and aren't really sure which one to take into consideration. And maybe we are unaware of these thoughts because we think about it when we don't know we are? Or maybe i'm just insane, or maybe i over-analyze everything, but it's me so i'm ok with it.

Tell me you’ve had trouble sleeping
That you t o s s and turn from side to side
That it’s my face you’ve been seeing
In your dreams at night


blahhh. ♥Megs

Realization

So it's been suggested that i make one of these..and i don't really know how it's going to be. But i could take a guess...it's going to be me either rambling or complaining about my life and then you getting annoyed. We'll see.

You know, i've been pondering over whether or not i want to put myself out there a little bit more. In school i'm obviously loud and annoying but sometimes i ask myself if it's really me, or if i just do it because im capable of it, and because no one really minds. You always get those people who make comments about you but i seem to let it go more than i used to. I'm starting not to care. Is that a good thing? ~The question~
And besides that, you all know that i don't have a boyfriend, and i'm pretty sure you dont want to hear about this but if you don't then stop reading. I keep finding all these songs that i love and then i look up the lyrics and it's kind of ridiculous how it's all about break-ups and how things "used to be" and can't find any about real things that people care about. I know i just said i dont have a boyfriend, and yes, that was implying that i want one. But it's not like it takes over my life, it's not the only thing i want and it's deffinately not all i think about. There is this kid and i don't know much of what i want with him and i admit that i think about him a lot but theres so much more on my mind. I think the problem with people is that they are too wrapped up in someone else..and don't take time to think about the important stuff. What stuff you might ask? Well have you ever felt like you get everything you want except for what's important? I do. I mean i have an ipod, and a cell phone, and a computer, and almost everything i could want, but what i don't think i have is people showing me that they care. Like..someone in my family..buys me everything i want because i think thats the only way he can show me he cares. But i'm starting to realize that it cant be like that anymore. I get told all the time that i'm childish about everything, but the people telling me that are really the "childish" one's because i don't find anything wrong with telling someone how you feel. So what i'm looking for (the important stuff,) is respect and love i guess. And again, i don't mean from a boyfriend that i can wrap myself in and not take care of my schoolwork. I mean love from the people we have known our whole lives that just kind of start to fade into the background. I'm leaving you with the question of how do we let those people realize what's important without trying to change their opinion on life. I don't expect an answer, and maybe this whole blog and that question didn't make sense to you. It does to me, but I'll just stop writing if you let me know its all rambling. Quote time? I think yes. I changed it around a bit but it's all the same words.

Words I couldn't say

In a book, in a box, in the closet

in a line in a song I once heard

in a moment on a front porch late one June

In a breath inside a whisper, beneath the moon

-Rascal Flatts