my attempt at socializing this summer

So i just got back from new york city on sunday, it was a pretty interesting trip. especially when you're in fridays sitting next to a huge window and random old men stare into the window watching you eat. really, is it that interesting? anyway, i'm leaving next monday for canada with crew, we have a royal canadian henley race, not that that means anything to you. but i'm superrr excited. except the person causing all my issues is going to be there, but i'm making the best of it. then i get to go to my camp and then to ocean city, busy summer and i don't get to chill with anyone. soooo, yeah there's an update from me....

uhm, tooodles<3


"As soon as you get that feeling you can start to live again." (:

How about i do this to you?

It's really annoying how selfish and ignorant people are. Like i find more than enough people to be that way. They do something to hurt you; they say they understand that it hurts you; then they go ahead and do it anyway. If they really truly understand how you feel, and if they really care about you, then why would they do it. I know this is a little vague because i'm not getting in to my specific experience. All i can say is i'm trapped in the past. I hate when people tell me to forget about it, move on. It's like yeah okay i'll try but when you care about someone it's hard to let them go (again, vague. but lets just say there's this one kid...) And then when that person hurting me is getting in my way of having a friendship with..this one kid..whom i really care about, it makes me more mad than ever. Everytime i talk to her about it i find myself repeating myself over and over again. She knows shes done something wrong, but clearly doesnt care enough to fix it. Not even to make me feel better. How about i do that to her? Didnt think so. Basically the problems i had at the end of the school year kind of drifted into the beginning of summer and i'm hoping to come out of the past. It's not really easy.
I'm not sure if that made any sense to anyone except me but you know..whatever.


Hey you surround me like a blanket in my bed
The look in your eyes has stayed inside me
in my head
Outside it's snowing its odd for this time of year
Your light through the darkness
getting smaller i fear.

Love pulled us down in the gutter
can you see us getting out oh i wonder
It's a long long lonely fight down inside me
can i get you to bring back light or is this never again

Hey you're my weakness
still my lover in my mind
And you still control me
I put you so high
Hey did you forget you could never get enough
Well i'll always love you
no matter how far you run
~Midway State

byyyye,
Megs

not doing this anymore.

Spinning with my shadow

So pretty much the band Lifehouse is my new obsession. Because you know i have nothing to do besides crew and homework, so youtube is an answer and i listened to like all of their songs, and every single one of them means something to me. I'm just going to list some of them that are absolutely amazing<3

Take Me Away
Broken
Blind
Spin
Hanging By a Moment (<3)
Whatever It Takes

...there are several moreeee, but i have nothing else to talk about so i'll end with:

I'd rather chase your shadow all my life
Than be afraid of my own
I'd rather be with you
I'd rather not know, where I'll be
Than be alone and convinced that i know

When the world keeps spinning round
My world's upside down
And i wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when i found you
And i wouldn't change a thing
No, you and i wouldn't change a thing

Some of the song "Spin" cause the rest is kinda not related to me but i still love this song and i guess i'm done now..

I don't even know, and i wrote it. Someone tell me?

Sooo, I really don't have anything to write about...really. It's like almost 11 so i can't really think, but i guarantee that nothing interesting has happened that's worth writing about. But i typed in "abstract" in google andi found this picture. I only like it because it doesnt mean anything unless you make it. Kind of like life...things happen and you choose if they matter or not, it's your life, they either impact you or they don't. Obviously this picture isn't going to impact anyone because, well it's a picture. But if you say the white is Him and the rest is your heart, then you could make it mean something. I know, that does sound ridiculous. This brings me to another point, kind of not regarding the picture. I'm starting to go to youth group because i want to understand everything..i mean two of my really good friends are involved with God and everything. Last time i just sat there and didn't participate and people may have thought i didn't care, but it takes knowledge to ask a question, and right now i'm just there to listen and perhaps learn something. That's my goal. But i hope you know it's not easy for me to do this because i wasn't brought up going to church...i mean i went every sunday but it didn't mean anything to me and now i wish it had, but i can try and make up for it. While i'm writing this, i can't understand if i'm going to youth group because i want to, or because i know i should. I think it's more of me knowing i should, but maybe it can turn into me actually wanting to go, that would be another goal i guess. And nowwww i'min trouble for being on the computer this late and i doubt anyone will care about this but i needed something to write about. For now, now that i read this over, it seems like a bunch of nonsense and when i see people getting into the hymns (i think thats what the music in the church is called?) i'm like wow, ok, freak, but it's nothing against them, i just can't get myself to be that way. Cause like i said...i wasn't brought up like that. Goal #3. Ok now i'm really done.

<3meghan

All at once.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
(I wish someone would want me I wish someone would need me)
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
(I wish that that someone will take me for who i am and not compare me to something that's nothing)

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
(Can i soon be someone's "right one" that they've been trying to find? Atleast for a little while..)
Where no questions cross your mind
(And not a doubt in that one's mind that i am theirs. Alteast for a little while..)
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
(But i wont dread all the days passing by without them)
Much longer for you to sort it out
(Those are the days that i use to take in and sort out my pwn thoughts before i become part of someone else's life. Atleast for a little while).

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
(Is someone going to want me is someone going to need me)
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
(Could i have been someone's and not known it, and now it's gone? I don't think so. Not yet atleast).
(But i don't want that to happen once i find that "right one" which i don't expect quite yet. But i do expect someone that could potentially be that right one. Atleast for a little while).


And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

^I know this blog isn't right. For me to be writing about this stuff...atleast in this way. But it's hard not to.

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time


I LOVE this song, and in my next blog i'll write why. Maybe i'll write tomorrow. <3meghan<3